XOXO

This is how the worst Friday of my life started… Subject: The Dick Hey Sinclair, Mr. Calvetti is as ornery as ever today. He scolded me for taking a message from a woman who asked me to pass along this to him – “your lips are the purest form of pleasure this side of the Mississippi!”

She may not be a poet, but she is obviously head over heels for him, so I thought I’d play cupid and give him the message. Dominick (The Dick) Calvetti told me once again to ignore all messages women leave for him. He’s a cruel bastard with a gorgeous face and rock hard abs. I imagine he has those.

He’s 6’3” and works out every morning. He has to be built under those suits, right? I know that the nickname I gave him is based on his attitude, but I sometimes wonder if it “fits” in other ways if you know what I mean.Even if it does, I still loathe him.

He’s the worst boss on both sides of the Mississippi. I attached a picture of the lingerie I bought for my date tonight. I snapped a selfie in the mirror this morning since you were still asleep. Let me know what you think, roomie. Arietta xoxo P.S. Tomorrow we’re getting you a new phone. I miss texting.

Emailing is for old people like The Dick. Subject: Re: The Dick Miss Voss, Thank you for your email. I hardly think 34 is considered old, and for the record, I’m 6’4”. Details matter. Sending an email to the intended recipient matters more, especially when you include a sensitive image exposing so much of your body.

Also, cancel your date, as you will now be working late tonight. And report to my office. Immediately. Signed,THE DICK “XOXO”