The Way I Used To Be

The night Eden is raped by her older brother's best friend, someone she has known and trusted for years, she makes a decision that will shape everything that follows: she tells no one. Convinced that speaking up will destroy her family and that no one would believe her anyway, she buries the truth and, with it, the girl she used to be.

Told across all four years of high school, the novel follows Eden as the person she once was, a shy, obedient band geek, slowly disappears, replaced by someone reckless, angry, and unrecognizable even to herself. She pushes away the people who love her, punishes herself in ways she barely understands, and carries a secret that grows heavier with every passing year.

Amber Smith's raw, unflinching debut is a young adult novel about sexual assault, trauma, and the long, non-linear road toward finding a voice. Difficult and deeply honest, it charts one girl's struggle to reclaim herself and to finally say what happened out loud.