Plot : ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Story : ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Spice : 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️ I have four stars because this book has the right amount of spice and the ending scene is just …🤌🏼🫶🏼😌🥵🫠
Rating : ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Tropes : strangers to lovers, sweet romance, the trust - and the communicative - couple.
Pacing : medium.
Characters : ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
What I loved : Anna was one character I related at the time. i’m using past tense because when I read this book, and writing this review is past the time I read it. Anna was someone I related to, at some many points in the book, I was taken aback and thought that I was reading something written by an author on an emotional level. Anna’s level of tolerating s••• just to keep peace in the family and also because nobody would understand her in her family. Quan’s character was a nice addition, I really enjoyed reading about his relationship with Anna, and how they develop confidence and comfort as each chapter passes. We get to see how they first do it in the dark, because of their insecurities, and that scene about him allowing Anna to touch herself in the safety of his arms made me yearn for him for a second. Quan also did not crowd her space or the type of man like her ex Julian was, he gave her time and showed up : in his actions, not just in his words. Anna’s sister Priscilla is such a red flag, because she made me angry, and I was struggling not to stab the page with my highlighters, and markers. (i’m a neat reader but she really tested my patience) though Priscilla’s character did not stop me from reading further. Michael & Stella make an appearance in the book, and I loved that part. When Anna’s therapist tells her about her autism and hands her a book, which she goes through, and then she starts to understand herself better. that was something I envied, I wish someone also handed me a mirror that showed me who I was clearly without any reflections that are not me.
What I struggled with : I still struggle to understand the parts into which this book was divided, I can’t seem to figure out what the author was trying to say all this time by dividing the book with the “during”, “before” and “after”.
Later in the book, when she understands that her father does not wish for them to keep caring for him, but Priscilla thinks she knows better was a bit infuriating. Priscilla was insufferable and the kind of sister i’d avoid contact with. Quan’s anger at the sight of Anna being engaged to Julian was heartbreaking, but when Anna stands up to Julian and breaks it off is so satisfying, heh. poor him, really thought he could do what he wants. and not to forget the first line of the third chapter? that says, “confession : I don’t like giving b•••••••. ” that was relatable at that time.
Loveable characters or not : loveable definitely.
Strong character development : yes, strong it is.
Plot driven / character driven : plot driven, but it was both for me, I truly enjoyed reading the whole book. Not skipping even a single word.
Favorite quotes/ highlights : “you’re an artist, and art is subjective. you have to learn to stop listening to what people say.”
“why do you do that?” “that thing with your eyes.” “what thing?” “the eye wrinkling.” smiles are real when they reach your eyes. books say so.”
‘kissing is enough? she doesn’t expect to get anything out of sex with me? she’s okay if nut on her Iike she’s a blow-up doll or some s•••?’
- ‘with the right person, I think she’ll open up, and it’ll be f•••••• glorious. but that person isn’t me.’
- ‘when I have her in my arms, it feels like the right thing. she fits against me like belongs here. I don’t mean to kiss her. it just happens. and she kisses me back. there’s a moment when we hesitate, both unsure of what we’re doing, but our lips come together again. I don’t know who initiates it, maybe it’s both or us, but I kiss her like it’s our last kiss. because that’s what this is.’
- ‘i’d bet my Ducati she doesn’t fall asleep with just anybody. but she did with me. that means something.’
- ‘i choose to be angry at the situation, at cancer, and not her.’
- ‘i’m so used to seeing you. now i get to focus on feeling you.’
- “if I show you how i like to be touched, will you do the same?” “can’t I just touch you?” he makes a frustrating sound and presses a kiss to my mouth.“I want us both to enjoy this.”
- “i wish I knew how to get that sound when I touch you here.”
- ‘why am I like this? why can’t i change? why can’t I speak up?’
- “you might get really… sexually frustrated, if you keep waiting for me.”“then, I’ll get sexually frustrated.”
- “i’m going to be good enough for her daughter.”
- “i don’t want him to be here for me.” someone else is much better at it than he is.”
- ‘but when it comes to my family, that word is not mine. I’m female. I’m youngest, I’m unremarkable. My opinion, my voice, had little to no value, and because of that, my place is to listen. my place is to respect. I say yes. and i look happy when I do it. service with a smile. ’
- ‘no one notices. that’s how it’s supposed to be.’
- ‘with Quan, I want the words to matter, like his words matter to me. I’ve tucked his I love you into my heart, where i can carry it forever, safe and treasured.’
- ‘the darkness took this from me. my fear took this from me.’
- “i’m so sorry. i’m so sorry for what I did. it’s because I have trouble speaking up, especially in public, and especially when my family is involved. I know that’s a horrible excuse, but it’s true. i’m determined to change, though. i promise you that i’ll never do something like that again where you’re concerned — if I have the chance. i’ll draw a line around you, and i’ll protect you and stand up for you and speak up for you when it’s right. i’ll keep you safe. and i’ll do the same for me. because i matter, too.”
“i know you mean what you’re saying that. at least you do right now. but, anna when the time comes, i don’t trust that you can actually do it. I just don’t. you’re ashamed of me. because i’m not like f•••••• Julian.”
she sucks in a deep breath. “i’m not ashamed of you,” she says forcefully as tears spill down her face. “i don’t want you to be like Julian. I want you to be just as you are. I love you. I don’t know how i would have gotten through these past months without you. every day in that house is hell for me, watching my dad suffer, watching him hate his life, and keeping him alive anyway. it destroyed me bit by bit until there was almost nothing I wanted to live for. i’ve veen swallowed up in sadness and pain and hopelessness and every different kind of self - hatred that exists. but you’ve been my bright spot. you’ve pulled me through. the only good thing this broken heart of mine can feel is love for you.”
— there were many quotes and highlights i’d love to add, but maybe that’ll have to wait some other day, since my fingers hurt.
Similar authors : none.
Similar book recommendations : none.
Any other details : Throughout the book, I felt like Helen was writing and talking about me, and I cherish this book, will do, I even brought a paperback, and a hardcover because I loved reading it so much. and…if you’re still reading …I do have a kdrama recommendation, if you haven’t watched it already, then I recommend watching “extraordinary attorney woo”please, it’s so good, baby woo can’t stop yapping about whales and junho can’t stop listening to her yapping, and I can’t stop watching those two, they are too, too sweet!